Thinking about things . . .
Mark has been thinking about moving in with Zach for a little while now, and even though neither I nor they know when that will be, it makes me excited. My boyfriend will be LESS than forty minutes away! AND eventually, once I feel like I'm financially and emotionally ready to move out, I'll be moving in with them! So I'll be able to spend every day with the man of my dreams and one of my friends (even though said friend gets on my nerves sometimes :/ )
But then i start thinking more about it and I get nervous. What if we cant afford it? What if something happens and we dont know what to do? What if spending so much time with Mark makes me start to pick out itty bitty things that I'd never noticed before that start to bug the crap out of me? What it Mark and I get annoyed with each other? What if something happens between Mark and I and we break up because of it? What if what if what if!
And on another note, my parents would never be okay with me moving in with my boyfriend before we're married. Ever. Mom is still under the assumption I'm still a virgin, and I want to keep it that way for as long as possible, but the more I think about it the more tired I get of lying to them.
~"Hey, I'm staying the night at Steph/Jazzy's"
-when I'm really heading down to Galt.
~"Where do you sleep at Marks house?"
"Oh, I take his bed and he sleeps on the couch"
-yeah right. I sleep right smack dab next to him in his tiny freaking bed, usually wearing little to nothing.
~"Dont have sex til you're 22!"
" . . . . sure."
-At least be glad I waited til I was nineteen and I found the man I'm planning on marrying.
~"Get your bachelors degree before you get married!"
-PFFT! I'll get married when I damn well please! Soon as he proposes (Whether its in a month, a year, or five), I'm making wedding plans (Hell, I do it in my head whenever I think about the future), and there is NO way I'm putting that on hold for a fucking degree. I can still go to school after I'm married!!!
I'm getting more and more tired of living at home. Yea, my parents love me and whatever, but sometimes I feel like they're being overbearing. I'm twenty years old, turning twenty one this year, and yes, I understand, Your house your rules, but they go from treating me like a 15 year old to saying I'm not taking care of all my responsibilities and that I need to be more of an adult. I realize I'm their oldest child, and we're all just figuring it out as we go along, but please, start making up your mind. Can I be an adult and make my own decisions? or am I gonna be a child, kept under the wing until I'm thrust out of the nest?
I love my family dearly, but I feel like I have to do so much more around the house than Flynn. Yeah, I know he has school and whatever, but I will too in about a week, and whats gonna happen to all the crap around the house then? I'll be at school almost more than Flynn will, plus however much fckin homework i get! Absolutely nothing will get done, and my parents will complain about it, and they'll blame me and my brother, even though we're gonna be gone at school all day (and most of the night for me) while dads gone away at work for a day and a half at a time, and Mom gets to sit around the house all day and do basically nothing.
Sigh.
I think I need a relax day.
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