That's Depressing . . .

I've been getting depressed at random times lately and I have no clue why. I'll be perfectly fine one moment, then the next I feel like I'm going to cry. Sometimes its for no reason, but other times its for stupid little things. There have been a few times I've teared up simply because my boyfriend was going to bed. I dont know whats wrong with me, or why I'm so emotional recently. I've never been like this before.

Okay, I take that back, I have been, but its only for like a week during that time of the month, I've been feeling like this for two or three months now, and I hate it. Its getting so fucking annoying. I get in a bad mood, and i do know why, which puts me in an even worse mood, which makes me think about so much bad shit in my life, which makes me break down and start crying.



This may relate...

Recently I feel like everything is just coming down on me... My hours got cut at work, so i work less, so i make less, so i can spend less, so i can hang out less, so i see my friends and my boyfriend less, so i feel alone more, and i get depressed more, and i cry more, and i whine about it to Mark more, and it puts him in a bad mood, which puts me in an even worse mood, because I hate it when he's in a bad mood, so i try not to get him in a bad mood, so I have to bottle up my emotions which makes it even worse when it does break through, and then i make super-long run-on sentences like this because I dont know when to stop when i start rambling when I'm in a bad mood.

I've found that I apologize for everything. Even if its not my fault, and even if I shouldnt be sorry. I feel like if people are mad, its my fault, or its my place to apologize, or try to make things right. If I complain and I get someone in a bad mood? I''m sorry. If I dont know the answer? I'm sorry. If I dont tell you what you want to hear? I'm sorry. If I'm not good enough, I'm sorry, If I'm not happy enough i'm sorry if I'm too sad I'm sorry if I can't think straight I'm sorry if I cant do anything right I'm fucking sorry.



Sometimes I hate myself.



Other times I hate every thing else.



Except Mark.

And God.



Sometimes I hate everything and everyone except Mark and God.




Right now?




I dont even know.




I'm sorry.....

Bored and Muse-less

I really REALLY want to post something right now, but I have no idea what to write about......